Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Why are you so late?

I just went to the airport and came back.

I do not understand how, why, or where those people whom apparently are able to be called an adult are still late for their plane?

Sincerely, I did it once when I was like 29 and I misread my plane ticket not realizing I needed to be at the airport by 5AM instead of 6AM. My lame arse boyfriend couldn't come pick me up and it would be an hour before any taxi cab could be at my house so I begged a housemate who graciously got me to the airport at 5AM ...yes I realized this mistake at 4:30 AM in the morning.

I don't like Panic. When I was younger my father got the family up at 2AM for a 6AM flight . I wish I was joking but we had to be at the Airport by 4AM at the VERY latest because if we were not at the airport by the mere crack of dawn we would have missed the flight.

I had two older sisters whom for the love of all things holy could not move out of their beds before 8AM it was traumatizing to my 3year old eyes the seemingly benign monsters that my siblings were to terrorize our dear daddy with their endless whining and seemingly unbelievable need to take hour long showers.

I was Three Years old and amazingly up at 2AM and by 4AM at the airport complete with my dolls Raggedy Ann and Andy whom would pilot the plane if need be. I also had at least the minimum of three ( not two because I was three ) sandwiches ( two peanut butter and jelly and one cheese ).

So here I am ... a taxpaying, competent adult with all the working parts arriving at the gate of my departure flight at exactly 1 hour ( One Hour ) before take off. I am a freaking super hero to these people whom for some reason go thru the Security Checkpoint with more than three ounces of clear liquid and assorted shotguns at the time the boarding all rows is announced for their flight.

Ok maybe not assorted shotguns but they do not give themselves the most common (sense ) 20 minutes beforehand to get to thru Security.

I breezed thru with three cell phones, one laptop and a dozen or so pairs of underwear in under 10 minutes.

I try to give these people whom time is a strange concept to some benefit of the doubt that they are not mentally handicapped and need 24/7 supervision from a medical professional.

Maybe Traffic was bad. Maybe this is literally a last minute trip. Maybe they were still in line at Candlestick to see Paul McCartney Show?

Whatever the most valid reason ever for being late to the flight I still do not buy it.

Remember I take Public Transit and I had to walk 1 Mile to my first bus stop... ONE MILE pulling my luggage as I walked past my neighbors!

I don't care that you needed to grab one more drink with a friend or double check the stove is on ( hello you have a landlord for that ).

Because there I am getting ready to go on the passage way when you ( YOU ) walk up to the ticket agent with the gall to ask if you can now check in.

I sincerely want to turn to you and give you the same riot act my Dad would give.
Instead I just shake my head as I make my way down the ramp to the plane to my seat.

Still the plane is almost full and there you are ( and you know WHO you are ) the last person to board the plane looking for a space in the overhead compartment.

I make up reasons why you are late and why you have to be late.

Yes, I think there is a conscious decision to being late.

Not learning to tell time or to appreciate giving yourself more time helps your lower your blood pressure ( and mine ).

While you could have been stopping the zombie apocalypse ( Thanks? ) before you rushed to the airport to fly to Long Beach or Reno or Las Vegas or New York why not plan to not test the anti zombie venom thirty minutes before your flight next time...Please.


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