Tuesday, April 5, 2016

The Guilt Trip

My trip to Eureka did not happen as I so carefully planned.

I had a hotel, a car, an itinerary and money, but I was more than willing and allowed one small detail foil my trip to Eureka.

Gas.

I made it thru my weekend all the same going from place to place and taking pictures but, the entire time I thought why did I whimp out on my travel to Eureka over a small detail?

Part of me had just learned about the weather issues in Texas and I had to decline a trip to see a Graduation.

I am now feeling guilty because I chose me over them.

So, I see that I can make a quick Memorial weekend trip or maybe a Fourth of July trip instead which is immensely more appealing to me.

Why then do I feel guilt welling up inside of me?


When my father passed away in 1999 I spent the next 8 years visiting my mother in Oklahoma up to four times a year. Complete travel plans were simply that I knew the routes, times and back ups to travel to the OK state regardless of day.

Now, I look at travel to see other family members and just cringe - physically. Why would they be the cause of such mental distress.

I feel as if I owe it to them to visit when the reality ...what are we going to talk about and how much fun is it going to (not) be?

My last visit was 8 years ago complete with ridiculous expectations and disappointments all around.

Their last visit to me was about 5 years ago and I kinda swore off any further invitations to "hang out" because there wasn't the natural bond that insisted we visit.

I honestly have not spoken to these people in more than a year and I feel guilty for that.

Hence now I have planned a guilt trip complete with emotional baggage and handwringing that would cure carpal tunnel syndrome.

I still have not bought a ticket though.

Why?

Weather. Seriously. The family drama aside if a tornado warning even tests while I touch down inside a plane I am BOLTING back to California.

I have lived in my bubble of good weather and minor earthquakes to a point that when it rains I don't always carry an umbrella because I know its going to stop in an hour. Rain in other parts of the country lasts for 45 hours and floods entire counties.

One thing when we think about travel we always think of it as getting away but floods ...not so much a situation I want to fly too.

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